It's Just A Game.

Going through life without passion is unforgivable.

Loving without being noticed/wanted is unbearable.

Doing what we do without emotions is so... (mm, i just can't seem to put my finger on it)

It's not the same. But hey, who doesn't want the thrill. My body is your body, I won't tell anybody... I don't get butterflies anymore, I don't think of you nor love you romantically anymore. It's so unfamiliar...I just, I know too much, it's too late... everything has become meaningless.. I thought life had a bigger meaning than this, that everything you work for, has a meaning or at least goes towards something in the end. But it just sometimes doesn't, people. This is no movie we live in. My life seems to have had it's plot screwed up! I have wasted the last few years of my life, thinking myself into believing it was one thing, when really it was the total opposite. Now, really? Was I really that thick and stupid and... nevermind. Is this how it's meant to turn out? It kind of sucks how we spend all our lives, we spend trying to chase and build things that are meant to be our everything, when in one second everything could be taken away. It's just not fair.

Anything can happen and everything can happen. Sometimes the things that we make nothing of, turn out to be everything we should be thinking of and the things that we think mean everything, actually means nothing. Ah, its Saturday midnight and I'm delirious.

I gotta feeling, that my head and my heart have like divorced each other or something. There seems to be this dead vacant air of silence on the interior.. Hello head? Hello heart? Why aren't any of you talking to me? Why aren't any of you talking to each other. Tell me what I want, tell me what I need, tell me what to do with myself. Tell me why, don't I give a fuck..

Nonetheless, I keep telling myself that I am fine.

(note to self: repeat to self, til nothing matters anymore. feel no joy, feel no pain.)

I'm done. Wasted time holding out for you, wasted nights being sleepless over you, wasted love and songs and what could have beens, just wasted on you.

Nothing matters.